Throughout my life I have seen that I go through tunnels of waiting, discontentment, and fear at different stages. Then a big decision is made.
Every day I drive through a farm just down the road. This Summer they planted the corn on both sides of the road. Some didn't like to drive through it because of the blind curb, but I saw it as a challenge. A challenge to God- a dare. Because my life was and is in His hands and He will take it when He chooses.
But as Fall approached, I started to see that this stretch of road reminded me of where my life was at. I felt claustrophobic- I couldn't see what was next in my life. I was driving along and becoming tense over the curves in life, sometimes angry. I needed a change. I felt like I had been in a fog since Amy's heaven-going and my life was going nowhere. I wanted to be vibrant and beautiful and joyful like the bright colored leaves around me. I could see no way out, yet God knew- He knew the right time and place. He knew when I was truly ready.
And the decision came and the next step was presented. I was offered another job as a secretary/receptionist a little over a month ago. I had been working at Homewood for over two years. I loved the people and my co-workers. If I accepted this other job I would have to leave my comfortable road I was on and venture out. I was scared. I felt guilty. I was so close to thinking God had given up on me and my family- that He didn't care. I thought and prayed a little and made a decision. It was time for the corn to come down. It was time for me to break down the walls of my own selfishness and fear. It was time for a hard, but necessary change. God knew what was best. It was time to trust Him.
So three weeks ago I said goodbye to the job I knew, the people who had lifted me and my family up in prayer during the hardest time in our lives, and the dear friends I had made. I sobbed buckets as I walked to my car that day. But I was at peace and knew it was right.
And I started anew. A new job, new hours, new co-workers, and new things to learn. Once again I'm the new kid on the block! God has blessed me so much and He knew I needed this! I love to experience new things. Every experience and every job is either preparing me for something or shaping my character to be more how God wants me to be. He has provided and I am happy.
The past two weeks the corn has been cut down on the farm- stored in barns for the winter, a new scene and a new speed. Looking towards the spiritual change about to awaken also! Missing Amy, but looking ahead through the tears to discover His love in the midst of it all.